The Deer Hunt:

SATURDAY:
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1:00 AM Alarm clock rings

2:00 AM Hunting partners arrive, drag you out of warm bed

2:30 AM Throw everything except kitchen sink in pickup

3:00 AM Leave for deep woods

3:15 AM Drive back home and pick up gun

3:30 AM Drive like mad to get to the woods before daylight

4:00 AM Set up camp, forgot the stupid tent

4:30 AM Head into the woods

6:05 AM See 8 deer grazing

6:06 AM Take aim and squeeze trigger

6:07 AM Click!

6:08 AM Load gun while watching deer go over hill

8:00 AM Head back for camp

9:00 AM Still looking for camp

10:00 AM Realize you don't know where camp is

12 NOON Fire gun for help, eat wild berries

2:15 PM Run out of shells, 8 deer come back to close range

2:20 PM Strange feeling in stomach

2:30 PM Realize you ate poison berries

2:45 PM "Rescued"

2:55 PM Rushed to hospital to have stomach pumped

4:00 PM Arrive back to camp

4:30 PM Leave camp to KILL deer

4:35 PM Return to camp for shells

4:40 PM Load gun, leave camp again

5:00 PM Empty gun on squirrel that's bugging you

6:00 PM Arrive back in camp, see deer grazing in camp

6:01 PM Load gun

6:02 PM Fire gun

6:03 PM Score bulls-eye on pickup truck

6:05 PM Hunting partner returns to camp dragging deer

6:06 PM Repress strong desire to shoot partner

6:07 PM Fall into fire

6:10 PM Change clothes, throw burned ones into fire

6:15 PM Take pickup and leave partner and his deer in deep woods

6:25 PM Pickup boils over, hole shot in block

6:26 PM Start walking

6:30 PM Stumble and fall, drop gun in mud

6:35 PM Meet bear

6:36 PM Take aim

6:37 PM Fire gun, blow up barrel plugged with mud

6:38 PM Smell offensive odor emitting from pants

6:39 PM Climb tree

10:00 PM Bear departs, you wrap stupid gun around tree

MIDNIGHT Home at last

SUNDAY:
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Watch football game on TV while slowly tearing up hunting license
into small pieces, place in envelope and mail to game warden with clear instructions on what to do with it.
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